“Supposing I said there was a
planet without schools or teachers, study was unknown, and yet the
inhabitants — doing nothing but living and walking about — came to know all things,
to carry in their minds the whole of learning: would you not think I was
romancing? Well, just this, which seems so fanciful as to be nothing but the
invention of a fertile imagination, is a reality. It is the child’s way of
learning. This is the path he follows. He learns everything without knowing he
is learning it, and in doing so passes little by little from the unconscious to
the conscious, treading always in the paths of joy and love.” Maria Montessori
Do you notice when someone holds a door open for others to enter
before him or her, replaces their chair when leaving the table, motions you
ahead, smiles and greets you with a kind word?
These are examples of lessons learned in a Montessori
environment every day, all day, as part of Practical Life. Opportunities occur
throughout the day for each of us to learn how to live in society as a
contributing member. An integral part of living in society includes courtesy,
being kind or polite to others.
Although there is only a small group of specific lessons in
grace and courtesy, they are invaluable as they psychologically enable the
child’s social development. Interaction of the child with others in his society
increases his knowledge and familiarity of courtesy. He is presented with
lessons of what to say to another person when passing by and how to react in a
kind spirit. He practices these lessons with others in the environment. Through
adaptation (seeing others) the young child will absorb the etiquette of his
culture. We role-play or dramatize situations in small groups to include the
interaction of others in the environment.
The psychological advantage of presenting this type of
lesson — before seeing behavior that is inappropriate for the environment — allows
for the child to understand how to perform before a situation arises. The child
feels respected and secure because she knows how to demonstrate acts of
courtesy and can use this knowledge at any time. The lessons are presented in a
neutral time, before the need arises. She is able to avoid correction because
she is prepared in anticipation of the need. Knowledge beforehand is always
best.
When having observed a child in need of a courtesy lesson,
the guide will wait for a ‘neutral’ time for presenting such a lesson separate
from any inappropriate behavior. Then, the lesson can be presented in a group
with that child included to avoid singling him out.
Practicing these scenarios of grace and courtesy is
acceptable to the child in the situation of receiving a lesson. Applying them
in actual experiences may be much more difficult. The guide continues to
observe the child, presenting the exercises so that the child becomes
comfortable incorporating these lessons into her routine activities. The guide
remembers that she is the model at all times and the child will absorb and
follow her lead.
The definition of grace encompasses several attributes such
as walking in a room without bumping furniture or people. It demonstrates
thoughtfulness, beauty, and harmony. The adult exhibits clarity of movement and
efficiency as a model for the child. One might consider a dancer’s movements of
elegance and precision to appreciate grace. The adult in the casa can model
these attributes when lifting and carrying a tray, opening a door or simply
walking in the environment. In a Montessori classroom, at least one lesson in
grace and courtesy is presented daily to a small group.
Other examples of lessons may include how to walk by another
person, allowing a person to walk by, greeting someone, blowing one’s nose,
giving comfort, serving a guest, how to give and receive a present, greeting
someone for their birthday, welcoming a guest and offering a chair, offering
refreshments, showing an observer where to sit.
When the adult, as a role model, exemplifies little ways of
grace and courtesy throughout the day, children learn easily and naturally to
incorporate these behaviors into their way of life. They learn to care for
themselves, for one another, and for their environment. They learn to share,
give and care for society and the world.
Common courtesies are exhibited by greeting one another each
morning, closing doors and drawers after use, replacing chairs, excusing one’s
self, setting a table to share a snack or meal, serving one another, asking
please, and replying thank you.
If children can be so kind as to speak gently, kindly,
courteously to one another, cannot adults do likewise? If our children can grow
up learning to live graciously, perhaps we can learn from them. The Montessori
adult demonstrates common courtesy as a way of life. It would seem if all would
attempt to remember these “little ways” each day our world would truly become a
better place to live with one another.
“What
we need in the world is manners… I think that if, instead of preaching
brotherly love we preached good manners we might get a little further. It
sounds less righteous and more practical.” Eleanor Roosevelt, “My Day”
(February 17, 1938)
— By Judith Kemper
